Saturday evening after I got home from NYC and the race, I started to really process the event in my mind. To some people, one leg of the Urbanathlon was "just a 5k with 3 obstacles" - and really, that's what it was. But for most of us on Team Phases, many of whom had never run in a regular 5k let alone one in NYC with obstacles, this was more than just a race.
For me, this race really marked the "goodbye" to this girl. The girl who thought that a bright sweater and cute accessories could hide the extra 100 pounds she was carrying. This girl thought she was happy, and living life. But every morning when this girl when to get dressed, she was unhappy. Every time this girl saw others around her doing things like running and exercising, she thought "I wish I could be more like that, but that's just not me." This girl was pretty good at making jokes and enjoying life, and she wasn't completely miserable - but, this girl was definitely not living life the way God intended.
I don't ever want to be that girl again. I really, truly have changed my life this time. It hasn't been "just another diet" or a get skinny quick thing. I'm now one of those people who run. I'm signed for multiple races. Whatever the challenge is - I have no doubt in my mind that I can do it. This girl I am now? I'm happy. I believe in myself. I know this is the way God intended me to feel. When I look in the mirror, I don't focus on the 40 pounds I still want to lose - I focus on the arm muscles I have. I don't dwell on the fact that my mile time is slower than a lot of people, I remember that a few months ago I couldn't even run a mile at all.
This girl? She feels JOY.