A year ago, we were packing.
A year ago, Isaac was still here, and we were packing. We flew to Houston on September 28, 2009 for our first visit at MD Anderson Cancer Center.
Yesterday, we sang Matt Redman's "You Never Let Go" in church. It might have been the things shared by others that morning, or it might have been that I was tired, or it might have been leftover emotion from Girlfriend Getaway, or it might have been my thoughts of what was happening in my life a year ago...but I couldn't sing along with the first half of that song because I was crying.
After we got done singing, our pastor asked if anyone else had anything else they felt compelled to share - and I did. He asked if anyone's heart was beating with that "I think I should share this" feeling - and mine was. But, I just couldn't talk. I knew if I stood up, I would crumple into a messy pile of tears. And yes - I know that would have been okay, and that people would have understood, and that they would have surrounded me with prayer and helped dry my tears. But, I know myself, and I know that there are times when I start to cry and I just can't stop until all the tears are gone, and I knew that this was one of those times.
I love the song "You Never Let Go".
I couldn't sing the verses this morning that reminded me of how I felt last Fall - the "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, Your perfect love is casting out fear. Even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life, I won't turn back I know You are near." verses.
Mid-song, however, God reminded me that where I was last Fall is so vastly different from this Fall in every aspect. I sang the 2nd verse of that song with far fewer tears - "And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on, a glorious light beyond all compare."
And, for an extra dose of encouragement, God reminded me today that I quoted this verse from 2 Chronicles 20:17 in my CarePage update right before we left on our trip last year - "You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.”
I shared this at the (in)courage carnival!