Saturday, July 31, 2010

What not to say...

...in your internet dating profile.

I recently 'put my toes in the water' of online dating.  As I scan the online dating profiles of prospective suitors, I can't help but wonder what in the world people are thinking.  So, I thought I'd write my own little "What Not to Post."

Let's start with pictures.  All of the following are bad:
  1. You in the mirror holding your iPhone:  it might mean you have no friends to take pictures for you and/or don't know how to work a self-time
  2. You in the mirror holding your iPhone without your shirt on and flexing your muscles:  it not only might mean you have no friends, but also that you have no time for a girl because you spend all your time at the gym...and staring at yourself
  3. You and all your buddies pounding beers at a dive bar.  You're over 30, I think it's time for a new hobby!
  4. You and another girl, even with the caption "She's my sister," because she's probably not.
  5. You anytime before 2008.  A lot of hair can be lost in 2 years. 
 Now, what not to write about yourself.
  1. Starting your introduction with "I just got out of a serious relationship that ended badly" is definitely not the way to win over prospective gals.
  2. "My friends would describe me as intelligent, good looking, hard-working, and family oriented."  Really?  You sound like a great guy.  What's the catch?  (okay, maybe I'm a cynic.)
  3. "I'd love to find a running partner."  At least half of the guys on Match.com are looking for a running partner.  Maybe all their previous partners have run away?
  4. Saying things like "I treat my woman..."  Chances are if you were to refer to your girlfriend as "my woman," you are not as respectful as you might think you are.
  5. Discussing your love for world travel, the theater, and wine tasting...while many of your pictures are of the previously mentioned "beer pounding in a dive bar" nature.
  6. Requesting that your "match" have a certain BMI.  Yes, this is something I actually read in a profile - "I have a BMI in the normal range and I'd prefer if you do too.  If you don't know what BMI is, Google it."
Grammar deserves a paragraph of its own.  I am astounded at the number of people who write an entire "About Me" section without one single capital letter or period.  The best by far was the guy who wrote his entire intro using commas instead of dots, so it looked like this "i'm a really great guy,,,and i am funny,,,my friends think i be cool". 

And so begins the next chapter of my life.  These guys have no idea the shoes they have to fill (size 9 Adidas Sambas, to be exact).  In the words of Gavin DeGraw "I have you to thank for making me so, so hard to please because you treated me so good."  :-)


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4 comments:

  1. Very funny. I'm so glad I'm not looking for love in today's social environment. Ugh! I especially got a kick out of the comma guy. :)

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  2. Oh Jess. I have so much I can teach you about this subject. More years of experience than ANY gorls should have ;-) I didn't have much luck with internet dating, though I did consider it a good learning experience. Having been married to one of the most amazing men ever, you will for sure never settle for anything less than God's best choice for you. Until you find him, you will undoubtedly have lots of great material for your blog.

    PS. I finally found the most amazing man ever. He has been a long time coming ander, and I deserve it! LOL

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  3. This is so funny! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the topic of e-dating. I wish you all the best and hope the old fashoned way works best for everyone. So many people can lie on the computer where in person and after some time quarting, there is far less a chance to "hide" who you really are. All the best in this new chapter in your life. Sincerely, Mommy of two little blessings & so much more!

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