Words and Music

Allow me to introduce my fabulously talented friend, Hilary.  She is a beautiful singer, songwriter, and amazing pianist.

In a recent conversation, Hilary said if I ever wrote anything that was lyrical, she'd put music to it.  I don't have a song writing bone in my body, but I do LOVE to write, and I have always enjoyed dabbling in the poetic.  So, this weekend I was washing dishes (glamorous, I know) and this one little line started in my head.  I thought about Hilary's offer, grabbed my pen and paper, and wrote my first ever song lyrics.

I sent them off to Hilary, who turned my pen and paper words into song - "Heal My Brokenness".  

We hope you like it!

 

Sharing this at WLW Wednesdays!

Fit Tip Friday - What I Eat

One of the questions I always get asked in regards to my weight loss (38.6 pounds so far!) is about what I eat.  So, I thought I'd share a typical day's food with you!  Here's what I eat almost every weekday during the school year:

 Breakfast (6:45am):  Green Monster.  Every. Day.  I miss it terribly now if I don't have it.  Weird, right? 

Mid-morning snack (10:00am)- typically a LaraBar and a piece of fruit, or maybe a homemade granola bar, sometimes I do some cheese and fruit too. 

Lunch (12:40) - baby carrots, 1/2 cup nonfat Greek yogurt w/ berries (frozen unless they're on sale) and a little Stevia, and a cup of soup (I usually make a batch of a bean or grain based soup on the weekends)

Dinner - lean protein (most of the time this is fish, because my grocery store makes convenient frozen, single servings of wild caught fish and it thaws quickly), a grain, and a green vegetable  (you can read more about my dinner ideas here and here!)

That's a typical weekday for me.  There's usually a piece of candy from my classroom stash after lunch, and always a square or 2 of dark chocolate after dinner, too.  It ends up being about 1500 calories a day usually. Like I've said before though, I don't count calories.  I know the approximate calorie counts of my typical meals, and I don't stress if I go out to eat or grab a breakfast sandwich at Starbucks one day.  Everything in moderation!!

(speaking of - remember back in March when I posted about the seasonal treats I was allowing myself?  Well, I never did have that Cadbury Egg.  Yep - for the first time in my life I went through an entire Easter season without eating a Cadbury Egg.  And I didn't miss it one bit.)

You'll need 10 minutes and tissues...

The past 2 years, I've had the privilege of being involved in a women's ministry called "Girlfriend Getaway".  I blogged about it way back here in 2010.

The 2011-2012 theme was "Enough is Enough", with the 3 sessions titled "Enough is enough - Satan!",  "In Christ, I am enough." and "HE is Always Enough."

During each session, Cindy (our speaker) shared a video testimony.  The first session's video testimony came from yours truly.  This past weekend was our last conference, so I wanted to share my video with you.  It's in front of the green screen because I don't have the fancy edited copy, it's about 30 pounds ago, and I definitely do the ugly cry in the middle of it - but I'm sharing it anyway!

Fit Tip Friday - Dress the Part

I wore this shirt to the gym this week.  I haven't worn this shirt in years, and even then I maybe only wore it once or twice.  The thing is, I don't feel like I'm an "athlete".  Athletes are people who play sports like basketball and baseball and run marathons.  I don't do those things.  However, as I'm getting stronger, I'm realizing that it doesn't take a sport to make an athlete.  

I do workouts that involve things like burpees, push-ups, box jumps, squats, lunges, sit ups, bear crawls, twists, bends, holds, and all kinds of things that require strength and endurance.  Athletic stuff?  Umm - yes.

I guess this is sort of a cheesy "believe in yourself" kind of blog.  But really - you have to believe in yourself if you're ever going to reach whatever goal it is you're working towards.  If you show up at the gym in a cruddy old t-shirt and baggy sweatpants, you're probably going to have a cruddy work out.  If you wear a shirt that says "athlete" on it, however, you're going to be reminded - every time you look in the mirror - to keep pushing.  

Running Against the Wind - Last Part!

Check out part 1, part 2, and part 3!

Jason's comparison of the Holy Spirit to breath made me think. But, the way Jason compared the Holy Spirit to wind is what really hit me.  This is where my “aha” moment came from.  When comparing the Holy Spirit to wind, he told a story about how one day he was running on the beach.  You know when you run on the beach there's that one direction where you're just running into the wind?  It feels like you're running as hard as you can and you're expending all of your energy. But then you turn around - and when you run back the wind is behind you, and even though you’re still running and you still have a long way to go - it feels so much easier when the wind is at your back.  

I keep coming back to this idea of I don't want to date...I don't want to go through the hassle and the wondering if they’ll call and is there anyone to date and all of that that comes with dating.

Jason’s sermon and this wind comparison popped into my head and there was my “aha”.  Jess - you are running into the wind. If you don't want to date and you keep coming back to that then just stop trying to date and trust Me. I know it's hard, I know you feel like I’ve forgotten about you but I haven't - just wait because I have something.  Just wait.

Of course I really wish I could end this with a magical moment of “and then the next day I fell in love and we all lived happily ever after” - but that’s just not the way it goes outside of fairy tales!  

I guess the bottom line is, I finally feel really and truly ready - not just to date again, but to really love again.  I’m starting to notice the emptiness of this house, living here alone.  I’ve gone from feeling alone and content, to lonely.  I don’t see that as a bad thing though.  I see it as God moving me from this place of encampment to a place of journey.  I sense God has something right around the corner, I don’t know what it is yet or how far away that corner is, but for the first time in a long while, I feel ready to set out on a journey again.  

source

Running Against the Wind - Part 3

Read part 1 and part 2!

I found myself praying "God, I don't want to do this.  I don't want to be the girl sitting at home hoping the phone rings.  I don't want to wonder how the date will go, or if he'll call, or have to go through this dating thing.  This is not me!" and all of the sudden I just heard it - "then stop trying to date and just trust Me."

I remember once going to a conference where the speaker spoke about dating.  He said dating is like this race we're all running, with marriage being the goal.  His advice when running this race was this:  just run the race God has for you.  Don't try to run ahead and catch up with someone...don't stop running and wait for the person who is way behind.  Run the race God has for you, and eventually you'll look to your left or your right and there will be someone running right alongside you, at the same pace, and in the same direction.

That's what made my relationship with Isaac easy.  We were both just running our race, and one day - we were running right next to each other.  That's what I want again.  

Going back to Jason’s sermon on the Holy Spirit.  He shared the word pneuma - which is the Greek word used in the New Testament for Holy Spirit.  When translated, pneuma  means "air in motion, breath, or wind".  Jason talked about how the Holy Spirit can be breath or wind.

When comparing it to breath, he said how breath is something that is just always happening for us.  We don’t know how many breaths we’ve taken in the last 5 minutes, because it is just happening even when we aren’t aware of it.  So, even when I’m feeling that God is somehow being silent in my life, the truth is - the Holy Spirit is still working.  It’s always there, even when I don’t realize it.  

{stay tuned for Part 4 tomorrow!}
sharing this with Women Living Well today!

Running Against the Wind - Part 2

Missed Part 1?  Read it here!

In reading You're Already Amazing, Holley Gerth pointed out exactly where I felt like I was in my spiritual journey - encamped.  Holley talks about how, like the Israelites, we're all journeying towards some kind of "Promised Land" - that could be the marriage you've wanted, the baby you've prayed for, the job you've been hunting for, etc.  Along our journeys, we will encounter various stages like they did.  We might be enslaved, encamped, on the journey, or in our Promised Land.

When I read her description of encampment, it was like reading my own feelings and my own spirit in those words.  It's exactly how I was feeling.  Encampment - a place where we wait, rest, heal, seek peace, and wait some more.  

You can probably guess what my personal "promised land" currently is - a 2nd marriage.  A 2nd chance at love, a family, all of that.  I've been praying for that for that for almost 2 years now.  But God has had me encamped in this place of waiting all that time.  

In that time, I've gone through many, many stages of wanting to date, not wanting to date, feeling lonely, being content...the list goes on and on.  I've tried the online dating thing, I've given up on the online dating thing, I've gone back to the online dating thing.  Needless to say - it's been a frustrating 2 years as I keep trying to move away from this encampment, and God keeps pulling me back.

So, a few weeks ago, I went on a date.  It was a good date, he was funny, nice, loved the Lord, and was taller than me (all major requirements!).  There was just 1 thing that was wrong:  he's the pastor of a small, denominational, older church in our area, and I attend a large, non-denominational, young church.  And he was sold on his church, and I am sold on mine.  Now, of course this is not a major issue on a first date - I know!  But, I knew that if things continued down a positive path, at some point - this church thing was going to be a big issue.  I just pushed that aside though, and hoped for a 2nd date.  But, alas, it didn't happen.

I am almost hesitant to admit this, but I was CRUSHED.  It wasn't him specifically that I was upset about, it was just the fact that I so desperately want to be married again and this was just a disappointment.  It made me miss Isaac, and it made me miss how easy our relationship was.  Yes, even with the presence of terminal cancer, our relationship was easy.  

So, one night, in the midst of a pity party I was throwing myself and I had an "aha" moment.  

{come back tomorrow for Part 3}